Bill of No Rights
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We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of
debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren,
hereby try  one more time to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
form of wealth.  More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but
no one is guaranteeing anything.

You do not have the right to never be offended.  This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you!   You may
leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but
the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

You do not have the right to be free from harm.   If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy.

You do not have the right to free food and housing.   Americans are the
most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but
we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of
another generation of professional couch potatoes.

You do not have the right to free health care.  That would be nice, but
from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public
health care.

You do not have the right to physically harm other people.  If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and kill you.

You do not have the right to the possessions of others.   If you rob,
cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be
surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where
you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in
foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience.   We hate oppressive
governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like.   However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

You do not have the right to a job.   All of us sure want you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

You do not have the right to happiness.   Being an American means that
you have the right to *pursue* happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot
easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws
created by those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.