A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
 you  shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
 She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away
 with the first gun shot".
 The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking".
 Then, little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU - there are three women
 sitting on a bench having ice-cream: One is delicately licking the
 sides of  the ice-cream. The second is gobbling down from the top and sucking the
 cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice-cream.
 Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the
 one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone".
 To which little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the
 wedding ring on, but I like your thinking".

 ***************************

 Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in Math.
 "Why?" asks the father
 "The teacher asked, "How much is 2x3?" and I said 6"
 "But that's right"?!
 "Yes, but then she asked me, "How much is 3x2?"
 "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father
 "That's what I said!"

 *****************************

 Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says,
"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words class.
 Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
 Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!"
 Miss Rogers: 'All right Little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
 Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate'.
 Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow little Johnny that's a mouthful'.
 Little Johnny says, 'No Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job'.

 ***********************************

 One day during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
 of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

 First she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it".

 "Very good, Suzie", replied the teacher.
 She then called on little Michael.
 "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully",
 he said.
 "Excellent, Michael!".
 Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
 "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
 pregnant, and he said,
'Well that's beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'".

 ************************************

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed
by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning,
"Ohh I need a man, I need a man!".
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.
When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Quickly little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes,
threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,
"Ohh I need a bike, I need a bike!".

 ****************************************

 A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with
her fourth grade class because she realises little Johnny's propensity for
sexual innuendo. But little Johnny remains attentive throughout the
entire lecture. Finally towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks
for examples of sex education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with
some eggs". "Very good William", said the teacher.
"My mommy had a baby", said little Esther.
"Oh, that's nice", replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand.
With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.
 "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger.
He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of indians.
And they all attacked at onetime.
And he killed every one of them with his two guns".
The teacher was relieved but puzzled,
"And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?".
 "It'll teach those indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger"!