Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force
pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
 
Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution:   "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
 
Problem:  "Test flight OK, except auto land very rough."
Solution:   "Auto land not installed on this aircraft."
 
Problem:    "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off:  "IT DOES NOW."
 
Problem:  "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution:  "Something tightened in cockpit."
 
Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution:   "Evidence removed."
 
Problem:  "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution:  "Volume set to more believable level."
 
Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution:   "Live bugs on order."
 
Problem:  "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution:   "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
 
Problem:  "IFF inoperative."
Solution:  "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
 
Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution:   "That's what they're there for."
 
Problem:  "Number three engine missing."
Solution:   "Engine found on right wing after brief search."