The front pages of 1997 headlined the worst kinds of human interaction criminal behavior,violence,       international disagreement, professional basketball workouts. But you might have missed some of the best stuff,  the inexplicable foibles and just plain dumb ideas committed by people  just like you and me.
 

---

     Sure, you've been tempted to smuggle Mexican snakes across the border
     in your pants, haven't you? (Two men were sentenced in Los Angeles to
     three years probation for that offense.)
 
     Or fight off an aggressive commuter with a burrito? (That happened in
     Longview, Wash.)
 
     Or erect 17 replicas of Michelangelo's David around your house? (A
     man did that in Los Angeles, arousing the protest of neighbors.)
 
     Of course you have.
 
     And there was so much more in 1997. Such as:
 
     'Til death do us part, and part, and part, and ...}
     Glynn Scottie Wolfe died at 88 in Los Angeles. No one claimed the
     body, which was buried in an unmarked public grave. Not so unusual,
     but just a bit embarrassing in death for the holder of the Guinness
     world record for most-married man. Wolfe, a minister, married 29
     times.
 
     She'll be carried like the queen she is
     Lily Hobge always wanted to be queen of the New Year's Day Doo Dah
     Parade in Pasadena, Calif. She died before that could happen. Her
     husband, however, nominated her ashes in the 1997 queen competition.
     Lily didn't win, but judges gave her the title of "Queen of the
     Hereafter" and will allow what is left of the new queen to be in the
     Jan. 1 parade with her husband.
 
     That would explain Yeltsin's heart bypass
     Russia is the leading overseas consumer of U.S.-made hot dogs,
     according to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council. Sales of U.S.
     wieners there have gone from $122,000 in 1992 to more than $70 million
     in 1996. A typical breakfast: sliced dogs fried in butter, bread,
     cheese and smoked fish.
 
     Onward pistol-packin' soldiers
     The Texas legislature changed state law to allow concealed handguns
     in a church, synagogue or other established place of religious
     worship. One legislator joked that the quality of sermons would
     improve.
 
     School daze
     The strangest things happened in public schools. Such as:
     A South Carolina teacher was booked on charges of child cruelty when
     parents alleged she forced two kindergarten students to eat discarded
     Moon Pies. Two 10-year-old Macomb County, Mich., girls were under a
     circuit court judge's order to stay away from each other. The issue? Dirty name-calling.
 
     David Cline, a driver education teacher in the Durham, N.C., school
     district, resigned after it was alleged that he forced a student
     driver to chase a car that had cut theirs off in traffic, then got out
     and punched the other driver.
 
     A teacher cut off the braided ponytail of a 9-year-old boy in the
     Adelanto, Calif., elementary school when the student couldn't find the
     square footage of the state of Arizona in a textbook.
 
     Amber Nash, a 15-year-old high school honor student in Gobles,
     Mich., was suspended from school for 10 days for bringing in a kitchen
     knife to cut some birthday brownies. The knife violated the school's
     weapons policy.
 
     Stupid criminal tricks, Part 1
     A man in Agawam, Mass., was accused of stealing money from a bakery.
     Chased by the police, Vincent M. McKenzie headed for Connecticut and
     sought shelter in a big building. It turned out to be the McDougall
     state prison.
 
     Stupid criminal tricks, Part 2
     Joseph Rincon of Anaheim, Calif., allegedly stole a car full of
     household appliances from his estranged wife. He was stopped for
     speeding, erratic driving and for driving with a suspended license.
     The car was impounded. He stole another car to drive to the Anaheim
     Police Department to retrieve the impounded appliances and was
     arrested there on car theft charges.